What you say!!!

Recently, I had an exchange on social media (which on another note, I won't be doing very often anymore) but in the exchange, with a Christian, after some frustrating comments back and forth, I was told, "it's not ultimately about what you say, it's about how you say it..." This took me aback, not because I hadn't heard it before, but because I was hearing it from the mouth of a brother in Christ. I didn't respond much after that, and instead I wanted to take the comment to heart and consider my tone. After some reflection I came to the conclusion that; no, what I say is actually much more important than how I say it; especially when it comes to social media, or any interaction that is being done in a written form! 

  First, here's what I am not saying, I am not saying that tone and/or motivation are not important. When we are speaking with someone, these are extremely important. Love must be that which motivates and surrounds every single word. The Apostle Paul tells us, if we do not have love, then we are nothing more than clanging symbols. In our personal interactions, we need to pay just as much attention to our motivation and our tone, as to what we are saying. It dishonors Christ to rebuke, correct or even just disagree with a person and be motivated by hate, or even a desire just to be right. There are times, in conversations when it is better to say nothing at all, even when we know what we are saying is accurate, simply because what is motivating us is not godly. Therefore, what you say in a personal face-to-face interaction, and how you say it, are both important. Do not neglect one in favor of the other. 

  Now, here is what I am saying: when it comes to written correspondence, motivation and the heart of an individual are factors that are read into the correspondence, rather than shown by the one communicating. For example, to make the accusation to a person, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it..." when reading a written comment assumes something about the individual you cannot possibly know by simply reading a comment, blog post, or something similar. Of course, if a person is saying specifically hateful things, then that may be an exception. But normally, when this is thrown around, it is not because the comments are themselves hateful,  but rather, that the person reading them doesn't like them or agree with them, and therefore, reads them imputing hate or malice on the heart of the one who did the writing. We have to do a better job of reading comments impartially, and if we are reading the comments of a fellow brother or sister, we should be led by scripture, which does tell us to give them the benefit of the doubt and not attribute unknown motivations to them. 

  Here's the truth, when we write anything, whether it's a post on FaceBook, or a blog like this one, we should be led primarily by truth. What we are saying is what is most important, because that is what people are reading. Of course we should still be motivated by love, but that motivation cannot be read or seen by the one doing the reading. The assumption, which many people make, is that challenging words come from a hateful heart, but that is not the Christian position, just read the bible. Many biblical writers, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, challenged and even spoke very harshly to people and were not afraid to cause an offense when necessary. Yes, we do see in scripture many warnings on watching our tongue, and we heed those and take them to heart. But whether or not what's said is true is an important factor in determining what's in the heart. Psalm 58 verse 3 tells us that it's the wicked that go about speaking lies. 

  There are many more scriptures that speak out against watching what we say over how we say it; in fact there is a commandment about it! So, if we are to be biblical here, what we say, especially in writing, is actually an indication of what is in our hearts.  For those of us doing the reading, truth is the main way that we determine motive, not by whether or not we like it. Read with a discerning eye, if there is truth in the statements, then that should be enough to believe that the motivation is itself love and not hate. If you have to resort to the argument it is not what you say, it is how you say it, then you've already conceded the argument. You are really just saying, “I cannot find anything untrue in your comment, I just do not like it.” 

  I'll leave you with this; we are told in Ephesians to speak words that will build up, that which will give grace to the hearer. Sometimes grace hurts, but just because it hurts, doesn't mean it is hateful. By grace my sin was revealed to me, that hurt, but if not for that pain, I would not have turned from it and put my faith in Christ. Let's learn to judge more accurately the content of what we read by the truth of what's being said and not by how it makes us feel, or whether we personally agree with it or not. Let us recognize that truth is always good, even if it hurts!