The Difference a Year Can Make!

Psalm 37 is a very powerful Psalm, and it's all about the security of those who trust in the Lord and the destruction of the wicked. This last year for us as a family has been quite the test. In some ways, I've learned through experience what David was writing about thousands of years ago, when it comes to the security of those who trust in Him. Let's start in September of 2018, I was the Campus Pastor of a local church in New York and I really believed I would remain the pastor there till the day I died. My wife and I had been looking to buy a house, the community was beginning to take shape and was becoming more of a family than just a congregation. Most importantly, people were coming to faith, growing in faith, and discipling others in their faith. It felt like every prayer had been answered and though I was not worthy, God was being glorified and working in our midst.

         The week of my 40th birthday changed all of that. It was that same week that the lead pastor and I had a talk that began to reveal that things were not as stable as I had thought. There was the direction that the main church was going in, and the direction that I thought we were going in, and those two paths were not headed in the same direction. It was one of the most awkward and difficult conversations I have ever experienced, and by the time it was over, I knew there was a decision that would have to be made; do I stay, or do I go? That weekend was my 40th birthday, and my wife had put together a surprise party for me. I remember walking in and seeing so many of the people whom we had grown so close to, and thinking, "oh man, this can't be happening..." I had tears on my face when the surprise came, but they weren't tears of joy, they were tears of heartbreak at the thought I might eventually be stepping away as their pastor. 

         Over the next few months, several conversations took place and eventually it became inevitable, I could no longer execute my duties as a pastor faithfully and according to the new direction of the church, so I had to leave. Much of this was stated in a letter read to the congregation the week of my departure. The facts in that letter were that the lead pastor and I had come to a place of disagreement where I could no longer pastor effectively along the new path the church was on, and rather than bring discord, it would be better to step down and leave room for the next pastor. Here's the last thing I'll say about this, there was no option for me to stay that would have allowed me to pastor according to my convictions and conscience. Leaving was the hardest thing I have ever done and even more so for my family, but it was the right thing to do for the church. Division is never God’s way, especially when we are talking about issues that do not relate directly to the gospel itself. So, we left, and began the process of seeking God more and trying to understand where to go, and what to do next!    

         The next few months were hard. We were living in a place where we had no blood family nearby, only church family and many of them were not talking to us anymore. We were so grateful for those who did stand by us and continued to support us and be there for us. There were times I was angry, and the words in verse 8 spoke to me, "Cease from anger and forsake wrath; do not fret; it leads only to evildoing." My anger was more for my family and about them having to go through this. As a good friend said in the midst of it, as pastors we get it, but it's our families who hurt the most and we want to protect them. We eventually found a church and pastor who supported us and cared for us in those most difficult months. I then began pursuing my MBA and continued to preach at various churches. Offers did come to continue pastoring, but as Eva and I discussed them, neither of us were ready for that step yet.  Leaving a church is a lot like a divorce (these were the words of our pastor in the midst of it) and there are a lot of emotions to work through before you are ready to make that commitment again. At times I felt ready, then something would happen that would reveal I was not yet ready. Verses 23 and 24 kept me on track, "The steps of a man are established by the Lord, and He delights in his way. When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds his hand..."

         As I look back, Gods hand was most definitely the one keeping me steady and going because I often had nothing left. There was tension in our marriage at times because of my own insecurities, I was a pastor without a flock, so often battling the question, what real use am I? But God graciously reminded me that my value is not in what I do, but in who I am as His child whom He purchased in His blood. Every time I was asked to preach, I wrestled with the question am I worthy to do so? Every time someone asked for counsel, I wrestled with the question why do you think you are qualified to give counsel? But as I continued to the best of my ability by His power and Spirit, it seemed that the Spirit confirmed that God was not finished with me yet. He used those sermons and counseling sessions to His glory as we continued to see people saved, growing and discipled. 

         It was in this season that Truth -N- Life was born, as we became aware that God was still using me, but that pastoring was still a little further away! Truth -N- Life is not a substitute for church, or for a pastor, it is only a resource to help Christians live within the space that Truth and Life collide. The idea being, that we have to live consistently with God’s truth, because that is the only truth there is, and we must do so in every area of our lives. One of the reasons that Christians have such a difficult time navigating life faithfully is because we do not apply God’s word to every area of our lives. It is something I have been able to grow in during this season, and I desire to see others do the same. "The salvation of the righteous is from the Lord, He is our strength in time of trouble" Verse 39. 

         I've chosen this time to launch the website because it is a reminder to me of how much of a difference a year can make! Do not assume you know where you are going, but find comfort in knowing that God knows. Here we are today, putting all this work into this new ministry for the Glory of God, looking ahead to pastoring again, absolutely, just not yet! This year has been hard, and to be honest I cannot say the next one won't be harder, but I can say I've been held by the One who will not let me fall and...  "He holds my hand, I have been young, and now I am (getting) old, Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken..." Glory be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to Him be all the Glory... May He bless our endeavors, and may this ministry be used for His Glory and Honor. 

Welcome to Truth -N- Life!