I Can't Forgive Myself?

I've had the opportunity to counsel brothers and sisters through some very difficult times.  There is this one trend that I’ve noticed that I want to address, and it's the unwillingness of some Christians to forgive themselves.  I think many of us have been there before, we do something so grievous that we hold on to our guilt. We carry it with us to the point that it becomes serious emotional baggage. Whether it's the way we treated our spouse, the exam we cheated on, or even something much more serious, we can recognize that God forgives us, but fail at forgiving ourselves.  What's this all about?  

            Before I get to my answer, I want to soften the blow a bit.  I believe that many Christians carrying this guilt are doing so because of a genuine sense of sorrow and remorse.  These are ultimately good things. We should feel guilty, because we ultimately are guilty. King David, broken over his sin says in Psalm 51, that his sin is ever before him as he cries out for God to cleanse him. David should have felt guilty, not only had he committed adultery, but he also murdered someone to try to cover it up! I have yet to have someone come to me carrying the weight of murder on them, but I have had other grievous sins confessed before me.  Usually the person has already confessed this sin to God, and if they haven't confessed their sin to the person they've wronged, if there was one, I point them there to be reconciled. However, it's after all of this, that I've heard... I know God's forgiven me, and the person has forgiven me, BUT I CAN'T FORGIVE MYSELF...

            Here's the response I've come to believe is the biblical response. When the person tells me that they can't forgive themselves, I'll say, you need to repent of your pride!  Does that sound harsh? If it does to you, please hear me out and allow me to explain. The Word of God says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us of ALL unrighteousness." The attitude that says, I can't forgive myself, is essentially saying that their own standards are higher than the Almighty God’s.  David says, in Psalm 51 verse 4, "Against You, You only, I have sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You are justified when You speak and blameless when You judge."  David understood that all sin is first against God, and it’s His forgiveness that is necessary.  Saying that you can't forgive yourself is just another attempt at dethroning God. It fails to acknowledge the seriousness of our actions against a Holy God, by making it about us again.  

            The right response when we sin is always confession and repentance, but when we fail to believe God, where He has spoken clearly, it only gives us more to repent and confess.  He is God, and all of our sin is first against Him, it's His forgiveness we need. As for what you and I need to feel better about it... well, what we need, is to believe Him and take Him at His word. The next time you're tempted to say, I can't forgive myself, I want you to remember the cross, remember why Christ died and ask yourself, "wasn't His death payment enough?" then confess, repent, and rejoice... For there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus!