My Defense
As a kid, all the way through much of my time in the military I was often up for a good fight! Didn't matter much the type of fight, physical or verbal. If you wanted to go at it, I was always more than happy to oblige. I can remember one time in Junior High School I fought the same kid 3 times in one day, I won the first, lost the second, and I think I lost the third, my pride won't let me remember all of it. Why did I do it? Well, because part of me always felt like I had something to prove. I needed to show you that I wasn't someone you could push around, which meant I was largely motivated by pride. Everything was personal for me, I wanted to show the world I was smarter, stronger, wittier, whatever it was, and I took every loss personally and would use it to sharpen myself.
As you could probably imagine, in the Marine Corps, this was probably more of a positive thing in terms of a career enhancer. But that it was, only made it a bigger blot on my character as the Lord began to change me. By the time the Lord saved me, my ego had grown to be about ten times to big. Slowly, the Lord has chipped away, humbling me, and teaching me to die to self, and trust in Him alone. But what I wasn't prepared for is how much of me needed, and still needs to die. Here I am, 10 years after the Lord rescued me, seeing that there is still so much sin hidden in my heart. That fighter from ten years ago, has not been laid completely down, but instead at times taken a front seat, under false pretenses.
Here's what I mean, there is a fine line between speaking truth for the purposes of glorifying God and using truth for the purposes of glorifying myself. Because I love a good fight, but recognize that I can't go out starting them, social media has become one of the easiest ways I can scratch that itch. All I need to do is post something that is true, and wait... The fight will always find me! I'm not saying there is anything necessarily wrong with this either. But the question I have had to wrestle with over and over again, is why am I doing this, or posting this? Is it because of my zeal and love for the Lord, or my desire to go out and get into a good fight? I wish I can say that my motives have always been pure, but that would be adding to my sin.
The truth is that they are often mixed, there are times when I just know my heart isn't right, and so I won't post. There are times when I think my heart is right and I do post, only to later realize that perhaps I was wrong. Then there are those times that I know, my motives were right, that something was a matter of Gods truth going forward and being proclaimed for His glory. But here's where another test will come, someone will almost always attack my character personally. When there's no way to defend against the weapon (truth), the only attack left is to go after the one doing the wielding! I get it, I do, if someone is shooting at you, and you can't do anything to protect yourself against the bullets, you try to take out the one doing the shooting. However; this is where my response, as a Christian has to be different!
You see, in a fight, we want to defend ourselves, we want to block all those shots that come at us and counter them as best we can. But as Christians, that's not the way we fight, at least not with our words. (I do think there's cause to defend yourself and those you love from physical harm, but that's not what this blog is about.) In a verbal battle, and I'm calling it that because I don't want to dull it down, it is a battle, that's what scripture tells us too, and so let's be biblical in our language. In a verbal battle, I am the sacrifice. Here is what I mean, my character, my person, mean nothing in the heat of battle, and I have nothing there worth defending!
These battles start out because of Gods truth and Gods glory, but the enemy wants me and you to make it about "our truth" and our glory! By attempting to attack my character, it's simply a trick to get us off track and take us to a sinful means of argumentation. So, I might say, "abortion is murder and anyone who allows or promotes abortion is guilty of murder and needs to repent and trust in Christ." The response sounds like this, "you are just a backwards thinking bigot who is against a woman’s right to choose". My knee jerk reaction is to defend myself. Is to begin to build my case for how I am not backwards thinking, how I am not against woman's rights, how I am not a bigot. If I give in to that reaction, the battle is lost, and I’ve succumbed to pride.
The battle isn't about me, my life is but a living sacrifice. I have died and it is Christ who now lives in me, and the life I live, I live for Him and by Him. Listen to me closely here Christian, perhaps I am backwards thinking, perhaps I am a bigot, perhaps and most likely I was something much worse than anything the enemy can call me. But that person is dead, and Jesus Christ paid for his sin. Why do I need to give a defense? Why do I need to prove something, that has already been answered for? I do not, you do not. It may hurt to take the hit, perhaps, at least at first, but that pain is only that of our sinful nature continuing to be mortified. So, let it die! Kill it, destroy it, and get over it, as must I because this battle isn't about me or you, it is about God and His glory.
The thing is, the more I realize this, the less I enjoy the fighting. It has actually brought me to a place of sorrow, a place of pity for the enemy. I still have to wrestle with what I post, with how I respond, the internal battle isn't over for me yet. But, by God’s grace, I've seen more and more, that Jesus is my one defense, my only defense. As I go out into battle for Gods glory, I have less and less to say about myself, and more to say and point to Him alone. Perhaps you don't have the problems I did when it comes to entering the fight. I do know, that we all have this problem of sin and at the root of it is often pride. The way we get beyond it is still the same, look to Jesus, trust in Jesus, and believe the gospel; Jesus actually did die for my sin, and yours if you have trusted in Him. He is our defense, so we don't need to defend ourselves. Instead, die to self, live for Him and for His glory alone.